Morning Pages 02/16/16

The morning is here. I didn't sleep very well. I'm glad I woke up. Thank God, Paul is still here. My body is sore. Gone are the days of youth where sleeping ins't a painful chore.

It's my hips especially. My lower back. My neck that ache.

I didn't sleep well. I kept waking up. 5:02 a.m. 5:15 a.m. 6:20 a.m.

I'm curious to find the results from that study. Do I sleep at all? I don't think I do. I am always so tired.

I need to get back into meditation. I think that's how I'm going to keep the anxiety at bay.

Stories are my friends until they become my enemies. Then they get out of control and cause me pain because they're not finished. That's why I feel like I'm trapped sometimes.

Follow the Fun, Rani. Follow the fun. That's not how the Trickster would see it. Life is too short to be tortured like this. Create and move on. Don't sit there and make a home. You have other places to be and other things to do.

Don't compare.
Don't torture yourself and tell yourself you're too old.
Don't hate yourself.
Don't lose hope.
Don't be so scared.

You have the power to get through this. I swear, I don't think it's this much of a mental block for other people. I think this is your battle. I think you built your enemies armies yourself. You are the one who did this to yourself. They're just stories, sweetheart. Some of them will change the world and others won't. Yours probably won't. You want so badly to make an impact on the world that you've put so much stress on these stories. They're not supposed to carry your agenda for world peace. They're just stories. They're here to help a lonely heart or pass the time. That's really all you should expect from them.

As usual, your lofty ideals are higher than most. Your expectations are causing you such great unhappiness. Lower your expectations and you will be happier.

Goal shouldn't be I'm going to be fricking amazing and rich.

Goal should be. I'm going to finish something and hopefully one person will read it. Oh, and I hope I don't go broke getting it published.

That should be the way of things.