Me, Myself, & I

You know how people have 2 sides? Yeah, well,  I don't have 2...

I have 3.


Peer into the conversation going on inside my head:

Me: Uggggghhhh. It's already night again and you've written diddly squat. What is wrong with you? Why won't you write? Why have you wasted Saturday?

Myself: This is too hard. Maybe it's not meant to be. Couldn't I just stop and find another goal to do?

I: I just wanna watch Netflix and drink wine. Why can't I just get what I want? I know what's best for Me. Myself, included.

Me: No, you don't I. You always want the easiest and laziest option. Stop looking for the short term gratification. And Myself, stop that whining. You can have the wine and the Netflix but you better be typing as well.

Myself: Aww man. Why can't we just relax for once? It's the weekend.  Saturday! Do you know how precious Saturdays are? There's only a few Saturdays a year. And Myself and I want to enjoy it, but Me wasting it again.

I: I know right?

Me: There's 52, you idiots.

Myself: Hey, no need for name calling. I'll put Me in a time out.

I: Yeah, Me. Calm the eff down. Who made you boss in the first place?

Me: Me.

Myself: Well, why can't it be Myself?

Me: Because you're not Me.

I: Fine, why can't it be I?

Me: That's not even proper English grammar, I, further proof that the right person for the job is Me.

I: Alright, I want a redo. Why can't I be the one?  Ha! Proper English, my ass.

Myself: Good job, I!

I: Thanks, Myself.

Me: We're wasting time we don't have. We need to just get to work.

Myself: But my wine!

Me: Myself,  I will get you the wine and Netflix.  Let's do this.

I: I guess, I have no other choice. I can't believe you, Me. Such a fun sucker.

Me: I better shut up before you get a butt-kicking from Me.

I: Fine.

Me: Myself? You okay?

Myself: You said wine? Where's my wine, Me? Oh and Netflix. Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol, please.

I: Myself, you disgust Me.

Me: No, you don't. I is lying.

I: I never lies.

Me: I is a liar. (getting pissed)

Myself: I better give Me a break. She about to blow.

Me: Goals, people! Goals.

Myself: (not paying attention and humming Mission Impossible theme song)