It's been almost three years since I last wrote on this blog. A lot has changed.

Well, no just a couple of things.





 I went back to school and finished my Master's degree and I lost my job. I'm floundering right now. I'm mostly cranky and sad. I sleep a lot. I keep meaning to do things but I never get around to them. I haven't wanted to read or write or paint in days. There's a bully in my life and her name is me. Here is what she's saying.

  1. You will never be smart/good enough.B This kinda makes it hard to apply for jobs I may be qualified for. No. Not maybe, but likely qualified for. I get so anxious about the job descriptions. They just use such big fancy words and I am not sure what it all means. Then I have that stupid doubt creeping in. If I don't even understand what the job requirement lists mean, then maybe I don't deserve the job.

2. You're gonna be so poor. Worse fear of mine is to be homeless. Jobless. With no hope. Alone. In the rain. Running away for a pack of wild dogs who want to eat my liver. Holy crap, I just described Beauty and the beast. 

3. That I will still be in the same position in 10 years God, I really hope that is not true. I hope to have changed by then. I hope to be better. I hope to be wiser. I hope to be rich and famous and world renowned. 

 See there I go again. It's these silly expectations for what I should be. The idea of what happiness and success looks like probably makes me more unhappy than happy.