Merry Christmas

Happy Christmas to all!

I used to hate this holiday


Not to play a sad violin, but my childhood was a bit Dickensian. I can't wait to remember the trauma. I'm sure there's a best seller among the enumerable humiliations I've been subjected to.

I just have to have the balls to sift through all that sadness to get to the nugget of it all.

It's been several years since I've had a sad Christmas. Since I met Paul, the holidays have done a complete 180. Instead of sadness, my cup overflows with joy. There really is no point to life if you don't have love. That becomes more obvious during the holidays. Loneliness seems more potent when the nights stretch on in an endless and tedious spell. What is it about sunlight that makes us feel like we're not all going to die alone?

I admit, my morbid nature shows itself during winter. But it's always present, I think more people are sensitive to it around winter because it rings true.

I wish the whole world could have a day of peace. It's a hopeless and naive wish but I throw the penny in the well anyway.

I think about the thousands of girls who were kidnapped by IS. I'm sure the horrors they've experienced this year is not going to be something they can forget.

I think about the pain of racism that black Americans feel. I think of my brothers and I worry about the future. Their paths will one day cross with the police no matter how successful they are. I hope they live through the experience.

I think about elephants being kept in captivity in Southeast Asia. They're shackled and kept in tight confinements for years so people can make money off them. I think about that one elephant that was rescued  after being tortured for 25 years and who cried afterwards.

I think about abandoned animals, left on the side of a road. They're wondering where their masters are. Some of them even try to find their way home. They don't imagine that they will be rejected.

I think about all these things and I wonder if I'm a hypocrite for enjoying Christmas when so many are in pain.

I wish the world was fair. I wish karma worked a little faster. I wish women were treated with respect and dignity around this blue planet of ours. I wish the slate was wiped clean so we could all start fresh and not carry the burden of historical grudges that do nothing but cause us pain.

I wish my voice could be heard and made to matter even though I have no money to buy influence.

So yeah, I gotta suck all this angst back in. I have to play happy Christmas music. I have to hug my pets and stroke their soft fur and tell them I love them. I have to snuggle with my husband and be grateful for what I have. I have to bury the sadness I feel for the hurt I can feel in the air.

And on that note... Merry Christmas to all.