Gut direction

My siblings are growing up. So very quickly. It was just a minute ago I was helping change their diapers. But as expected, they're leaving boyhood and making those awkward steps into manhood. 

It's been a pleasure to watch. I adore these two. I wish I had met them when I was their age. The fun and the trouble we would have gotten into would have been epic. 

I'm returning to my writing after a month of studying. The attempt was a fruitless endeavor. That exam was something else. I wasn't as surprised from that as I was to the reactions I got from friends.

They all said that this wasn't meant to be. That the universe was telling me to go one way and I kept pushing to go another. Everything I try to go back to my old life, it spits me right back out. 

I'm scared. I'll admit it. I have no idea what this next chapter holds. It holds a lot of promise, I know that. But I don't trust it. My head refuses to let my heart take control. I'm too pragmatic. I've been conditioned to be.

I don't trust my gut. Not enough anyway. There have been three instances that I've trusted it and they've all been vital to my happiness. I don't know why I don't let it drive the car now. It's not like I know where I'm going.

Today, it tells me to sit my ass down and write. I'm gonna go ahead and follow that order.