5 risks that paid off

As I get older, I notice that I'm playing it safe more and more, regarding every decision with cautious wariness. If I'm not careful, I'll let the fear of the unknown rule my life.

It bothers me that I've changed from the impetuous girl I was. I rather liked her.


Anyhow, here's a reminder for me to take more risks. 5 examples where I was scared shitless and everything still worked out in the end.

Wheeeee!!!

1.) Going to college. I left the house at 18 with $200 bucks in my checking account, the 5 grand from won scholarships (Plus HOPE), and three suitcases. My step-father dropped me off at UGA and drove away. I was on my own, and I didn't know how I was going to make it all happen. I had saved enough to go for fall semester but that was it. I didn't have any money left for spring.

I was determined not to go back home or ask my parents for money they would not be sending. My ass headed to Financial Aid. Then found a part time job (and another, and another, at one point I had 3 jobs). And took full credit loads (I'm not talking 12, I'm talking 18 or sometimes 21). And somehow I made it through. Four years later, I was walking the stage at MCG like a boss.

I haven't looked back at that time much. I've romanticized it, I think. But it was hard, really hard. I went to sleep hungry sometimes. I didn't have a car, so I walked or took public transpo to go anywhere (which wasn't too hard in Athens but it was awful in Augusta). I created an Excel spreadsheet b/c my course loads were so tightly packed in and I had to figure out how to get to one side of campus to the other.

But I'm glad I did it. I'm glad I trusted the future and just went. I've never felt more scared and alive than when I was there. Probably because I had no idea if I was going to be there the next semester.

2.)Skydiving: that summer after freshman year, I went skydiving. It was my 19th birthday present to myself. They take you up on this airplane that's the size of a bathtub. Strap you with some guy behind your back. Go up 13,000 feet. Then you jump out the open door.

When you jump everything is whirling. Up is down and down is up. The pressure is crazy, and you have to swallow to relieve the pain in your ears.

But then it all calms down. You curve your body into a backwards C, and grin down at the Earth as it rushes to greet you.

A dozen epiphanies came to me: Isn't life grand? Don't be scared, silly girl. Take more risks. Remember this moment. Enjoy being young. Be thankful for your youth. Experience will always outweigh material possessions. Have as much fun as you can. Dreams can happen if you try. One day, you'll remember this and smile. You need to trust yourself. Love, even if you don't know where it's all going, just love. 

3.) Choosing love. A month later, hubby and I were dating and getting serious. I was a sophomore in college. I went home before fall semester and introduced my parents to future hubby.

It did not go well.

Mom actually came to dorm room later that week, and gave me ultimatum: Dump him or you're not to see family anymore.

I was torn. What was I going to do? I was 19. I missed my younger siblings. But this guy? When I was with him, everything felt right. The world didn't feel lonely or bad, and I knew if I wasn't careful, I was going to miss out on something big.

So I picked him. And I took the rest with my chin. I didn't see my siblings for years. My youngest brother was a baby when this all happened. He doesn't remember me until about age 7. My mom missed out on me from the age 19 till 25. She saw me maybe three times during those years.

I'm glad I did it though. On paper, I shouldn't have but my gut was talking so loudly. I had to trust it. And fast forward 13 years... we're married with 3 animals in a lovely yellow house working on our garden.

4.) Taking the job. My first real job, the one that used my degree from school I mean, was working in the Emergency Department. I had never worked the ER. It was the one clinical that I had not experienced. But it was the only one left that I probably wouldn't hate. I hated all my clinicals. But the ER? It was the one place I could hurry without getting yelled at. My little ADD brain adored it there.

5.) Traveling alone. Two years later, I left all that behind (even future hubby) to travel the country as a travel nurse. I ended up in South Weymouth, Boston. Had to start from scratch. Didn't know anyone.Wasn't used to the hospital politics. Even the food was different.

But I adapted and had a blast. With my free time, I went to New York City by myself and wandered the streets of Manhattan. On one of those visits, I almost walked headfirst into Edward Norton. Such a weird memory.

I guess the takeaway to all this is that taking risks can change your life. I need to remember that. If I didn't make the risky choice, I would be living a life controlled by others, doing what they want me to do, and having no say on my happiness.

So bet on yourself, silly girl. You just might win the whole pot.