Wanna be friends?

I retitled my old post. I used this title wrongly. I think that old post was about dead friendships. Not about actively making friends. This one is about making friends as an adult.

Max says hello. 

So this hospice nurse tallied up what people regretted on their death bed. One of the things was regret for not keeping up with friends in their life. Which didn't surprise me at all, because I lost contact with all but two of my friends from school. I think it's easy to take friends for granted. So easy that you let years pass before trying to reconnect with them.

You don't even expect it to be a problem. Being friendless as an adult, I mean. Especially when you're a teenager in high school. You see them everyday so you figure, well of course I'll see you again.

But after graduation, you won't. I mean, yeah Facebook helps, but be honest, you're not seeing them face to face as much as you used to. And college means you meet even more people, so who cares about those losers from high school? You meet so many people in college that again, you take it for granted. You figure, well I'll have time to meet so and so later. Let me go back to my dorm and binge watch Buffy.

Then college is over and then you're in your first big grown up job. You work and try to get used to your new responsibilities. And after a few months, you find your groove and you look up and look around and realize YOU ARE ALONE.

When did that happen? Where did all your (okay, my) friends go?

They went to different universities. Some moved out of state. Then they started a serious relationship. Or they got married. They got sucked into their own jobs. Or got pregnant and had like three kids in two years. All of which mean the same thing: They do not have time for you.

And you figure, well, that'll pass. It's okay. I'll see them again.

But you won't.

Okay, you will. But not without some serious effort. Usually on your part. You're the one who wants to keep the friendship alive. They won't care. They're too busy too care.

And then after a few times of this, you get tired of always having to do the effort and by your friend's apathetic response to seeing you. Because when you do see them, they're talking about relationship, their kids, their job...which makes sense because they're responsible adults. And that's great...but what happened to your fun friend? And when did you stop having topics to talk about? Did you have anything in common other than being classmates? Is your friendship based on proximity and nothing more? Maybe you should be looking around your area for friends.

And so that brings me back to my original question Wanna be friends?

Because I need more friends in my life. Without meaning to, I'm becoming more and more seduced by the hermit life. I've gone days without speaking to someone who isn't hubby. And I have a feeling that's not good. I need girlfriends. It's been proven to help you live a better life. Especially for women, social connections have been proven to help with anxiety (something I produce in excess).

Should probably warn you: I'm hella awkward in real life. I used to smother it but I think it's getting worse. Probably because as I grow older I like myself just the way I am (What up Bridget Jones Diary reference?!).