The 5 Questions The World Always Asks Me

Here are the 5 questions I get asked most often from people when they first meet me.  W is for Western world and E is for Eastern world.

"Mind taking a step back, buddy? You're kinda in my personal space."

1.) "What's your name?" -  #1 for both but responses vary.

I'll answer them with my real name.

W: they get a confused look and ask if it's short for something. Or they'll say "That's interesting" (which I've surmised is just a polite way of saying weird). Though, sometimes I get, "That's pretty" (which makes me feel weird because I wonder if they mean it).

E: they nod and say they know three other girls named the same before moving on to their question #2.

2.) "Where are you from?"- this is #2 for W but  #5 for E. It's a big deal to the people of the W to get an answer to this question. I'm a foreigner to them. People from E are mildly curious at best. They're used to different cultures.

I had a convo with a man who lives in the South that went like this a few months ago.

"So where are you from?"

"[Town]-ville"

"No, I mean where are you really from?"

"[I say my GA hometown's name]" 

"No, like where did you originally come from?"

Sigh* He wants to ask what country I come from, but he's worried of offending me with his impertinence. At the same time, he knows I'm not from here because I look so different. I know from experience that his line of questioning will continue until he gets the answer he's too chicken shit to ask outright.  

To be fair, I used to be a smart-ass too. I'd say I came from a hospital or my mother's womb which would usually make them feel embarrassed and stop. But I grew up and realized people can't help being curious so I should stop being so rude. Their curiosity is totally human, and I can't blame them. Even I get confused when I look into mirror sometimes. Before I knew who I came from, I used to wonder, "What the fuck are you?" at my reflection.

3.) "What do you do?"- this is #3 for W,  # 4 for E.

W: Social status is big here. It might be seen as the land of the free and everyone is equal, but no, it's not. The rich can deny it all they want but the West has a caste system that's here to stay. It may not be as obvious as what I've read about in India, but it's there. The lines of the box they're putting around me in are invisible, but they are there.

It's actually a pretty shady question. By asking me the vocation question, the person asking will be able to gather the answers to two of their unasked questions: what is my social class and what is my educational background. So one question, three answers. Very efficient don't you think?


4.) "Are you married?"- this is E's #2 all the way. (The only reason someone from the W might ask this so soon is because they want to ask you out.)

E: I was asked this question all over Asia (India, Japan, and Philippines) by strangers, by family. It was the first question my father asked me. I hadn't seen him in almost 3 decades.

And just like the others who asked, I saw him visibly relax when I answered, "Yes." His shoulders slackened and the panicked eyes went away. It was bizarre how important it was to everyone in the E that I was not a singleton.


5.) "Do you have children?": The question I dread more than any of the above mentioned. It comes in two parts and I've written a post on the second that will come tomorrow.

"Do you have children?" Part A

"No, no kids."

"Why not?" Part B.

I still wince when I hear that second question.

It's really bad in the E. My answer offended them and I'm not exaggerating. They got really upset and looked at me like I was shirking my biological duty. I was expected to have children. I guess it's seen as my sole purpose once I was married. To do anything otherwise would be abnormal and made them question my values. What kind of woman was I?

Anyways, those are the 5 Questions I get asked. Sometimes I'm tempted to fill out a card and get it laminated so I don't have to keep answering them. Wouldn't that be great? Just meet someone and had them the card with the answers and then move to the corner of your room with your beverage?

Good God, I'm such an introvert.