She looked so peaceful and calm. I mean, I'd heard about meditation. I saw that MTV Cribs in that episode with Russell Simmons. He showed viewers a red room just for meditating. I thought, "Well, of course, he meditates. He's rich. He has the time."
But as I've grown older and older, and science has caught up, I've realized that meditation is not just for the elite. It really should be a universal thing. The poor would feel rich if they meditated. I think it's the fastest way to happiness that doesn't require the external work of acquiring money and fame.
I get out of the habit from time to time. But I notice that my life starts to become kinda sucky when I do that. There's a correlation to how peaceful and relaxed and happy I am to the times I sit my ass down and be still.
I think meditation, especially for someone like me, is the key to finding that fulfillment I keep looking for. It's not out in the world. It's intrinsic, see. It's been inside me all along. I carry the joy and happiness I think I can find elsewhere. It's not going to be found in a lover's eyes, the shine of a new car, the glistening of pool water in a mansion. It's all inside you.
That's not to say it's easy. This whole search for inner peace isn't like a snap of a finger or something.
No, it sucks for the first few weeks. That stupid monkey mind has been allowed to do what it wants for most of your life...you really think you can make it obey in just one sitting?
Here's how I tend to do it. Maybe this will help.
1. I do it first thing in the morning. Like after I pee and drink some water and do some stretches. I put on Pandora Meditation station, or Netflix, Moving Art Flower or Forest series.
2. Sit down. A pillow behind lower back helps. You can't lie down. Well, I can't. I will fall back to sleep.
3. Breathe in and out. Like deep breaths. Controlled inhale, Controlled exhale. Try to make it last six to eight seconds. Do that for up to fifteen to twenty times. You'll feel yourself relaxing. Sorta like you're about to sleep again, but you're awake. (That's another reason I do it just as I wake up. I feel like that Fight or Flight thing is still asleep that first hour after you wake up. There's less anxiety for you to deal with).
4. Okay, so there you are sitting, breathing, music is playing so you're not like freaked out by silence. As you continue to sit and breathe, you're going to notice something is coming closer and closer to the fore front of your mind.
It's not singular. You realize it's a mob. Of thoughts. Like you're walking down New York City and it's rush hour. But these are all thoughts from yourself.
From the mundane : "Did I pay that bill? "Where did I put those earrings?"
To the interesting: There's green and purple grapes but there's only purple grape jelly. Why is that? To the neurotic: God, I'm getting so fat. I need to lose weight. What if I never lose weight. Dammit, lose weight so you'll have value in today's society.
I could go on but that's enough of a glimpse to my inner workings. But yes, so these thoughts, they'll come at you. Like that stampede scene in Lion King, where Simba's Dad has to rescue him? Yeah, like that.
5. Don't panic. Don't do anything. Just let them pass you. You don't have to get on one. You don't have to deal with it or try stopping it (that only makes it worse). Just let them come. You just sit there and keep breathing.
6. Now if you do get snagged by one (it happens), just calmly get off and go back to filling your lungs with air. That's all you have to focus on. Filling lungs with air. Breathing it all back out. And again.
7. As you do this more and more, you will start to feel a calm peace. It's not really feel, it's more like you arrive at that state. Like in this other plane, it exists and you got yourself in this journey there by breathing in and out and not thinking.
Now, I need to warn you, this probably won't happen the first few weeks. Maybe even months. It's not as easy as it sounds. But when you do get there...this state is so surreal. You feel one with everything. Maybe it's like the world's heartbeat or something? The center to the core of all stars? Who knows? I don't. All I know is, you feel peace. I did. I felt whole. For once, I didn't feel like I was lacking anything. I also felt pain but it was quickly followed by forgiveness. Not just to others, but to myself as well.
I haven't been able to stay in that state for more than a few minutes. I hear the yogis and monks get to hang out there all the time. No wonder they're so happy. They did MRI scans of their brains and found the prefrontral cortex lights up when they meditate. The feelings of empathy reside there.
Most of us live in the mid brain. The limbic system. Fight, eat, fuck. That's really the big objectives of that part of the brain.
It's only the past four million years that the prefrontal cortex got developed. Our humanity is still quite young. We are still not free of animalistic tendencies. I don't think we ever will be.
But I don't want to be led around by my emotions. As I get older, I want to be able to keep my power my own. I don't want someone's comment or an event to shake my joy or calm. Meditation is key to being able to control my emotional state. I notice that on the days I meditate, I am not as cranky. I am kinder to everyone, especially myself. That Inner Critic is muted more often on those days.
I think if you feel like your life is a mess and out of control, if you're sad, if you're lonely, if you're anything but happy, you might want to try this. It won't be immediate. It is a practice. I'd give it three to five minutes every day for a week. Then go longer if you want. Key is to start small. As I said, that monkey mind has been running wild for years. It will not be coaxed into sitting down with you out from the get go.
Okay, remember to be kind cause we're all fragile.
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