Personal Pet Peeves

Everyone has things that bother them. For my husband, it's when I won't stop poking him.

"Stop it," he mutters without heat.

But I don't. Because one of my hobbies is annoying him to show him how much I like him. Very much the girl in the playground who won't stop picking on the boy she likes. And I really, really like Paul a lot, so ...yeah, more pokes.

But here's my list.

Top 10 Things that Annoy the Living Shit Out of Me

1. Parachuting conversations.  

What's that you ask? It's when you drop in from out of nowhere and join my party...UNINVITED.

Ex: I'm on a public bus with a friend. We're talking about something or other when a complete stranger (who by the way we never invited into our interaction, no eye contact, no nothing) starts to speak as if they were part of the conversation.

KMN (Kill Me Now). God, it's even worse when what they're saying isn't at all what we were talking about.

They only thing I can do is play ghost. I mean, stop talking and look down and wait for them to go away when they realize I'm not going to talk back to them.


2. It's LIBRARY. Not Liberry. 

Lie BRA ree.

You people who say it like Liberry. Ohmigod. Stop. STOP. It's like a brain flick for me every time. I have to work so hard not to think you and everything you've ever done as being stupid because you can't say this word correctly. Have you never visited one? Has no one ever corrected you?

I know. I know. I sound crazy. It's just my pet peeve.

3. People who don't use their blinkers.

Jaysus. One day, you're going to meet someone who isn't paying attention and cause a terrible accident b/c you couldn't flick that thing with your left hand.

4. Small talk. 

It's a necessary evil. It really is. I have to remind myself to put on that socially appropriate smile, ask my roster of questions to show interest that isn't really there, and then after that's all said and done, settle into that weird uncomfortable silence b/c c'mon, let's face it: You two are strangers. You don't know each other. You can't show your crazy to this newbie. They won't be able to handle it.

But you both do this social dance so society doesn't unravel at the seams because there's a place for decorum and this is it, my friend. This is the part of adulthood where you bite your tongue and mind your manners because you are being judged for every damn thing you say and do.

I often wish I could just get the answers laminated to the questions and hand them out like business cards so I don't have to speak.

5. Mustard on cheese sandwiches.

WHY? Dear God, WHY? It's an abomination, is what it is.

6. One uppers. 

I have an acquaintance like this. I say acquaintance because I demoted her from friend because she did this one too many times, and I've run out of patience.

So, you're telling a story. Something sad or something wonderful. Whatever. You're telling it to this person. You finish. Then they do this.

"Well, that's nothing, what happened to me was blah blah blah." And then they proceed to one up your story.

KMN. I think these people might just need a therapist. I mean, c'mon, acknowledge my story here. Comfort me if I'm sad. Congratulate me if I'm happy. Just give me something. Some recognition that you realize my sharing requires some sort of response from you that isn't you telling me your better story.

I think it's just a missing empathy gene. That has to be it. What makes you think you're better than anyone else? Or worse than everyone else? What makes you think that life doesn't generally suck for most everyone? Don't you  know most of us are gritting through it with a smile? We share our story to create our created reality. Maybe if we say it out loud, we can magnify joy or lessen the pain.

7. People who judge romance novels when they've never even READ one.

I share my excitement over a new book. Person finds out it's a romance. Their face falls and they smile at me patronizingly. Sorta like "Aww-you-poor-deluded-female-I-thought-you-were-smarter-than-this."

I want to punch them in the balls with a mallet. Even if they're females. Then I guess I'd punch their chesticles. (That's boobs for you who don't know Miranda Sings).

You've never read one. How they hell can you judge it? Go read one and I'll wait right here. You owe me a big apology. On your knees.

8. People who post comments like this.

"Yeah, you guys are upset over  (pick an issue) but there are people dying in (pick a place). I don't see anybody getting as upset over that issue."

Okay, big breath. Immana try to say this all in one go.

Look indignant human, just because we're upset over this issue, doesn't mean that we aren't also upset about issue you just mentioned and do you know why that is? It's because as intelligent beings, we are able to hold more than one emotion in our minds. We can care about more than one person, more than one thing, and more than issue. You might not be, but we can do this. That's why when you post comments like this, it only makes YOU look unevolved. You're the one who seems incapable of understanding that there are many issues to be upset over, because the world is unfair. We are all on this boat together, and yeah it's sinking, but the hole on the boat you just pointed is not the only hole that's leaking in water. Do you understand? We're sinking and you aren't helping. We need to push you off the boat so we can stay buoyant a little longer.

9. People who tell me to calm down.

Shut. The. Eff. Up.

The things that get me excited are not silly or unimportant or deserve an eye roll because my exuberant passion makes you uncomfortable. They make me happy. And happy is not an easy state for me to come by through the dark I live in. When I do find that rare thing that makes me light up, it's a big deal to me.  

Things that make me happy: painting with bright colors, reading romance novels, writing romance, planting plants for butterflies, shopping clearance Target online, happy nail polish colors, makeup and skin care, shoes, organizing my closet, educational YouTube videos, and all things Paul.

So yeah, I'm excited. I've got things that make me happy.

I found my joy. Have you found yours?

10. People who insist on withholding rights from another group of people based on their own dogma. 

Oh. My. God.  The sheer weight of intolerance would make Atlas say "Bye, Felicia!"

They say things like:

"What I don't understand is why is this becoming an issue now? What is this world coming to? This wasn't happening before."

Look, it doesn't have to be something you understand. If we waited for certain people to understand things, we'd be waiting forever. Some people are just stupid. I mean, like literally, IQ wise. They can't absorb ideas ever. They're just not able to.  These are the same people who still believe global warming is a myth and the world is flat.

The world is changing without you. YOU are the one that needs to keep up. Don't you get it? We aren't waiting for you.

BEFORE was not a good thing. We're trying to to get to the better tomorrow. The best LATER that we can get to where people are all equal and considerate of each other.

Drives me crazy when I hear them talking, commenting online and spouting off their ridiculous antiquated notions. Part of me is thinking, God, please don't procreate. There can't be more of you. We need this kind of thinking to die once and for all.


Okay...so those are my pet peeves. LOL. Actually, there's more but those are the big ones at this moment.  If you're still reading this, first, wow. Second, what are YOUR pet peeves?