The Wolves of the World

I understand why some people want to marry within their own race, especially if you're brown. I didn't mean to fall for a white, conservative dude and he certainly never meant to fall for me, a mixed Asian, liberal chick. I guess that just goes to show that love is fucking powerful. Don't underestimate its power cause it can break all kinds of rules.

I mean, seriously, we shouldn't work. Like on paper, if you wrote each of our qualities down, you'd be like. "Yeah, that'd be a mistake." But you'd be wrong, which is crazy, because we shouldn't fit as well as we do.

But sometimes, the race thing comes up, and I realize that we see the world in completely different ways. Like jarring how differently we see it.

Case in point, the following scenario.

Me: So let's say I'm standing in line to buy something, a gas station or something. Maybe a small town in south Georgia on my way to Augusta. I was just in to buy a Gatorade b/c I was thirsty. It was broad daylight and the gas station was right off the interstate.  And I'm by myself, and I'm looking cute. And some white racist dude sees me and decides to stick his hand between my legs and grabs my pussy from behind.

Paul: Then you take your gun and shoot him in the balls. No, change that. Shoot him in the face.

Me: Okay, so I don't have a gun. Let me ask you what you think would happen?

Paul: There's probably video. We'd take it to the cops and have his ass arrested.

Me: See I don't think that would happen. In fact, I'd be surprised if the cops even came.

Paul: What are you talking about? That's why cops exist.

Me: I disagree. So, let's say I did shoot the guy. And the dude died. What do you think would happen then?

Paul: You'd go to the judge and they'd let you off because you were doing self defense,

Me: Nope. That's wrong. More than likely, I 'd be charged with murder or worse, given the death penalty.

Paul: Why?!

Me: Because I'm a mixed Asian who wasn't born here and we're in the South. Oh, and the victim was a white male. The law will be on his side.

Paul: No, it isn't.  I'd get the best lawyers out there and you'd be free.

Me: Ohmigod.

Paul: What?

Me: I just realized just how different we see the world. You wear white privilege glasses.

Paul: What are you talking about?

Me: Sweetie, the legal system exists to protect the whites. In fact, I think if I shot the white dude and he survived? Then I'd be the one vilified on Fox News or something. They'd find an unflattering picture and tell a story about how unhinged I was because some nice Christian man--

Paul: How do you know he's Christian?

Me: Well most white people in the South claim to be Baptist, so safe to assume he's Christian.

Paul: Fine. But that nice Christian man was videotaped to be grabbing you.

Me: Nope, they'd spin it so I was the bad guy. Maybe he'll claim that he was trying to pick up something I dropped by my foot. They would replay that part of the video where it looks like he's bending down again and again. I'd bet they'd stop it right where he molests me. They'd spin it like that, and you know what? I'd be the one punished and he'd be on 20/20 tearfully sobbing about how being a Good Samaritan bit him in the ass and warning people that all immigrants are probably terrorists.

Paul: Where are you coming up with this? This isn't how the world works.

Me: Yes, it is. You live in a fantasy world where right wins over wrong. I grew up in a half black family, and I was taught that it doesn't work like that. Especially if you're a woman and brown. I know how the world works if you're not white. The world is full of wolves and I'd be eaten without question. I am genuinely fucking shocked at your naïveté.

Paul and I decided to argue about this. He still maintains that the dude would go to jail, and I still say that the story would barely make the news. I would probably consider myself lucky that being grabbed there was all he did. I mean, he could very well have taken me into the woods behind the gas station and called his buddies and proceed to gang rape me. Then threaten to kill me if I said anything. Or maybe just kill me.

These are just some of the scenarios that come into my head when I think about what could happen if I encountered a racist white dude.

Now do you see why I have panic attacks?