Sweet and Sour Life

2016 has been utter bullocks. It’s the kind of year history books will put down and kids will sorta remember as being bad, like 1863, 1944, or 1963…you know it’s important but can’t quite say why. You just know that something terrible happened.  Historians won’t be able to say “2016 was…” without shaking their head. (BTW, those years were the years of Gettysburg, D-day, JFK assassination)

But it’s Thanksgiving. I need to be thankful. Thankful about being alive and surviving such a trying year. Science shows that gratitude during chaos helps us cope. And now more than ever, it's important people practice gratitude so they can heal and find hope when the future feels broken and lost.

When you’re going through a hard time, most people will say shitty things to you like, “Think positive thoughts” or “Count your blessings” or “Things could be worse.”  That whole thing probably stems from the field of positive psychology, which tends to be allergic to any kind of negativity. They like to tout everything positive as the end all be all to life’s problems.

As you can guess, I’m not really a fan. Everything isn’t solvable with a positive attitude. I liken it to spraying air freshener in a room filled with cat shit. Try telling a woman who has to put her mother through hospice care that if she just had a positive attitude, her problems would be solved. If she just smiled more and believed in the good, then maybe her mother’s crippling dementia would change for the better. Or worse, tell that to a severely depressed person. God, I find that so cruel. To tell someone struggling through that unending agony that if only they thought their way to being happy, then they're symptoms would abate and they'd be fixed.

I don’t like anything that excludes sadness. I believe that if you ignore the bad, then it weakens the good.  There’s a lot of suffering here on Earth. At this point, I think to be alive means to suffer. To pretend everything is hunky dory irritates me.

So let’s go through the dark, hand-in-hand, and see what kind of light glints through, shall we?  Let’s reframe the let-downs, the setbacks, the losses to see that sliver silver lining.

1. Earth in general: well… Am I upset that humans have ruined this planet? Yes.  I get angry about the giant continent of trash floating in the Pacific, about the rate elephants are being killed, about how we’ve created a hole in the atmosphere we deny exist, about all the oil we’ve plundered out of this tiny planet, about how there won’t be any polar bears left by the end of this century. …Yeah, I get angry. But I guess there’s some comfort in remembering  I’ve got about 40 years left and I can’t fix any of that overnight. What I can do is plant something. I can create a garden where birds, bees, and butterflies flock to. I can put water out for birds in the winter to drink (yeah, this is when they most need it), I can plant nectar plants for bees and butterflies to eat, I can avoid spraying the whole yard with chemicals so I don’t add to the water pollution, I can recycle.  I guess, in my own way, be the steward of Earth that we’re all supposed to be.

2. Humans. I’ve heard more cruel things this year than most. I think there’s too much ignorance and greed in the world, but I also have to remind myself that there is wisdom and kindness out there. The good has to exist with the bad, so it can’t just be the bad, you know? There are pockets of decent people around the world. If you want change, it starts with you. Make your little corner of the world shine. In my mind, I imagine people who choose to help in Syrian refugee camps, trying to help those orphaned kids endure another day. Maybe one of them has to comfort the devastated child who watched his mother drown trying to get him out of Syria. He has no one left. I think about those children all the time. I wonder if people overestimate these children’s resilience when it comes to a broken heart. I’m grateful there’s someone there to check on him and make sure he eats.

3. The post Election situation: Deep breath. This one is tough, but I think I can get through it*

I think some good has come out of all this despair and rage: activism’s rebirth. I’ve never seen so many people care about the state of this country like this before. I think we saw pictures during the 60s and stuff, but I thought that time wouldn’t come back. It seemed to me that we’d all gotten lazy. I’ve never been so glad to be proven wrong. People are awake now, young people, especially. They are realizing that government isn’t set in stone and they have power in numbers.  

4. My family. …  Err, let’s see everyone is still alive, so that’s good. I’m thankful I got to see all my siblings at least once this year. That was a rare thing that hasn’t happened in a while. I’ll treasure that time we had, and try not to wish there were more.

5. My health: There’s been flare ups this year, some of them debilitating, but for the most part, I’m still walking. Paul has really been an amazing caregiver. Not only is he kind and thoughtful, but he manages to make me laugh through the pain.  Oh! And Lou. God, I would be lost without her. I think, despite all the flare ups, I’ve had more pain free days this year than 4 years ago. It was worse then. How lucky am I that I have support to help me now.

6. My writing: Okay, lack of writing. There are tons of excuses I could use, but honestly the new job schedule of work-drive-sleep-drive-work for the past 3 months is mostly to blame. I hope to find balance soon. We needed the influx of a steady income first, so I had to focus on that. I’m glad to have written as much as I have. I know I can do it. It’s not really even about that anymore…it’s more me lowering my standards. But I’m glad I’ve gotten as far as I have.  

7. The loss of friends. This is hard for me. I don’t let anyone get too close, so to lose someone hurts me more than the average gal. I think some relationships had run their course.  I’ve changed, they’ve changed, we’re no longer walking the same direction. That doesn’t mean that the friendship was bad. I shouldn’t label the whole of it bad, despite the drama at the end. And now that some time has passed, I’m grateful for these friends and the past times we had together. I wish all of them nothing but the best.  

8. Dead plants. Lol. Man, I got into plants hardcore this year. I am grateful for the ones that died, though. They taught me what NOT to do. Also, I reused their soil for the new plants, so it’s not like they were a total waste. But next time, I won’t put the Cleyera underneath the air vent so it doesn’t drop all its leaves. Or forget to spray down the hibiscus before bringing it in for the winter, or atleast spray it down with Neem oil so I don’t get another infestation of spider mites. Or water the money plant first before fertilizing it so you don’t fry it’s fragile roots.
9. We lost Prince and Bowie. Those two hurt. The bittersweet lining is their music. They will be immortal through the songs we sing.
10. I am so glad that it's towards the end of this year. There's less than 50 days left of this awful, awful year. I hope that 2017 means that we are kinder to each other. I hope that good will outweigh the bad we see. I hope we can help each other and stop being so careless with each other.