"Why not?"

"Do you have kids?"

Some people are curious, I get that.

But what I've also noticed it that some people use this question as a last ditch attempt to continue a dying conversation.

If that's the case, please just DNR the conversation. Let it die a natural death. Stop resuscitating it. Let's just bask in the uncomfortable silence and accept that we have nothing in common.

There are more topics to talk about. Like why are there green and purple grapes but grape flavored jam only comes in purple?

But let's continue with the story... Once I'm asked this, I will answer.

"No."

"Why not?"

And so begins my rant...I will try my best to keep the cursing to a minimum.

I feel ya,kid. 

"Why not?"

Why not?

Seriously?

SERIOUSLY?!

Think, Curious Asker. Just pause and think before you utter such a careless question in the future.

To me, this question is the Patriot Act to my life. Any way I answer it, the result is always the same: I lose my precious privacy, strangers know my business, and I feel violated no matter the scenario.

Review the following answers and tell me if there's a way not to reveal anything if I answer them.

-If I've been trying to get pregnant, but haven't been successful, then I've just opened myself up to your sympathy. Sympathy is not the same thing as empathy. When you say, "I'm sorry" for my struggle to get pregnant, it only makes me wonder what the fuck is wrong with me that everyone else can do it but I can't.

Or

-If I can't have children, because of some medical reason then the person asking will immediately go into how great adoption is or how fostering kids is something they've always wanted to do. Again, no empathy here. Adoption is not an easy process or cheap. Fostering a kid may be an option but you're making it sound as if that's my job now because I can't have children. You speak as if I should contact DFCS and be the savoir to all those children tomorrow so I can be a contributing person in society.

Or

-If I haven't thought about having kids, then I'd either get gently chastised to stop being so selfish or encouraged that having kids will really show me what life is all about. The latter always feels like I'm joining a cult. Join us, drink the punch, come worship into the alter of Pampers.

And last, but not least.

-If I say I don't want any... Well, I've learned not to say this response. It promises a ten minute horror story that I did not want to hear. I am told about a future where I am dying alone in an empty room because no one loves me. And my last dying taste will be of bitter regret for not having a child and missing out on life's greatest joys because I was selfish.


Any of the following options always make me feel like I've just gotten a Brazilian wax.

Cold. Exposed. Ashamed.

This is the part where I get pissed off. 

Why not? Scoff*. You mother effer. How dare you think you have the right to ask me that? Who the fuck do you think you are?

"Why not?"

I have to dig deep. Because even though I'm smiling and shrugging, you have no idea the torrent of smart-assness I'm holding back from shredding you to pieces.

"I'm waiting to see how yours turns out before we do it." 

"We tried last night, so let's cross our fingers choking me worked." 

"Well, if I didn't have that miscarriage, my baby would be two next week."

I have to remind myself that people are curious by nature and they don't mean to be so tactless. I have to remind myself that they're trying to form a connection. I have to remind myself to be nice.

But after reading this rant, you've probably figured out that I'm not a very nice person at all. So maybe I should answer them back with this:

"Why not?"

"Why do you care?"